Singleness and the Imago Dei

In my last post, I pointed out the possible virtues of an "image of God"-oriented view of marriage. Here, I will attempt to apply the same concept to the issue of singleness. Being a confirmed singleton, myself, I have considered this very carefully and found the idea both glorious and freeing, as well as challenging.

I, like many singletons I know, would rather like to be married and have a family someday. But being 27 with no apparent prospects, "someday" often seems less like possibility and more like wishful thinking (i.e. Someday I'm going to be a rock star and make millions of dollars and never have to work again). Inevitably, the question plagues me of how to balance the hope for Relationship Future with the reality of No Relationship Present. Should I become a Lady in Waiting? (Pause for gag reflex recovery) Should I consider marriage the greatest blessing in this life and pursue it with wholehearted abandon? Or should I just hang it all up and become a bitter, angry spinster? Or maybe a non-Catholic nun, which sounds much more spiritual?

Really, all these options center around the idea of marriage as ultimate and represent various ways of coping with not participating in "the ultimate". But it is clear from Scripture itself, that marriage cannot be ultimate because a) it is merely a shadow of the reality of union with Christ and b) there is no marriage in heaven. But if we take the view that marriage is a way to express the image of God, then it takes its rightful place as a temporary human institution that is certainly good but not essential. In other words, those who do not have the opportunity to participate in marriage are not somehow "missing out" on either the blessing of God or even a deeper knowledge of God.

Now don't misunderstand me, I am not saying marriage does not bring a deeper understanding of God. I am saying that many a smug married has mistakenly implied that my understanding of God could not possibly be as deep as theirs because I have not experienced the refining process of marriage. But it would be just as easy for me to say the same in reverse to them because they have not had to sacrifice such a deeply held dream and still maintain a thriving relationship with the God who has withheld it. The reality is that God has much to teach each of us about being conformed to His image, and He chooses whatever means HE desires to bring about that conformity. I have started reading the book Hinds' Feet on High Places and was struck by this paragraph in the Preface:

It is God's will that some of his children should learn this deep union with
himself through the perfect flowering of natural human love in marriage. For
others it is equally his will that the same perfect union should be learned
through the experience of learning to lay down completely this natural and
instinctive desire for marriage and parenthood, and accept the circumstances of
life which deny them this experience. This instinct for love, so firmly
implanted in the human heart, is the supreme way by which we learn to desire and
love God himself above all else.

Every situation and circumstance in our lives as believers is designed by God to break down our foolish commitment to our own agendas and to restore in us the perfect image of God that practices the perfect will of God. This is how we learn to love God, by dying to self. For some that happens in the constant friction of two separate wills constantly butting up against one another in marriage. For others it is in the utter breakage of their earthly schemes of joy in marriage. Whatever the vehicle, the ultimate destination is the same.

So how does this affect our praxis? First of all, despite my usage of them, the terms singletons and smug marrieds really have no place in the discussion. We are brothers and sisters in Christ, regardless of our matrimonial status. Second, for those asked to bear the image without a partner, do not sell short your contribution to the people of God. In Christ we, as the church, bear the image of God in the ultimate corporate sense. Without each of us performing the duties and using the gifts given to us by God, the church would falter and fail. You are able to contribute in ways your married counterparts cannot. You are free to serve in ways they cannot. Your membership and role in the body of Christ is no more or less than theirs. Instead of bemoaning your single state, look for opportunities granted by it to serve our Lord and Savior! And if and when you continue to look for a marriage partner, remember that our truest relationships with each other are as brothers and sisters, not husbands and wives. There is no need for desperation, and no reason to view the opposite sex as objects to be pursued and acquired at all costs in order to make your life complete. You are complete in Christ, the perfect image of God. You are inextricably joined to the image of Christ in His church.

Finally, for those who have been asked to image Christ in marriage, do not look with pity on your single brothers and sisters. Do not foster marital idolatry in their hearts by presuming they are less than they could be or are somehow not experiencing the fullest blessings of God. Do not cajole them into endless set-ups with someone who is "just perfect for you!" Do not make false promises that they will "definitely get married someday". You do not know God's good and perfect plan for them. You do not know who is "perfect" for whom. Remember my previous post about how marriage is not a cure for loneliness? Keep that in mind in your relationships with your single friends. Live your marriage honestly before them (warts and all), but do not flaunt your physical relationship in front of them. Encourage them in their gifts; help them to see how God is using them exactly where they are to accomplish his purposes; and cherish the opportunity to glorify God by seeing what He is doing in the life of someone whose circumstances are so different from your own.

Ultimately, for all of us, the glory of the Imago Dei is that we are able fully to enjoy the diversity of the body of Christ, in both character and circumstance, as representative of the many facets of the character of God. We should always look for opportunities to encourage one another in whatever circumstances we find ourselves to image God more fully. We should relish the search for God's image in our brothers and sisters. And we should take seriously our responsibility--whether single or married--to be the image of God in the world. For it is this, not marriage or singleness, that is our purpose in life.